Healing period
First of all, I wanted to analyze my downfall a bit.. I was chicken shit enough not to go through the hard work of really checking out in pokertracker what happened... I guess we all have our closets full of skeletons. But from memory, I can deduct that it was a load of bad luck and the change of style which didn't really suit me. I understand it now. I tightened up a lot preflop, but where I probably need to tighten up is POSTFLOP. This is what got me into trouble.. Waiting for good hands and then bluffing my money away when I caught nothing, or faced monsters.
The next few days were pretty shitty, I felt horrible. I now understand people who lose a lot of money, go busto etc. I realized that the urge to play was bigger than ever, and here people with real gambling problems fall. The feeling is undescribable unease within yourself, uncomfort and I had some stress over losing money in a shitty game. I took a few days off and then I knew I had play a few hands and hope to win them, to get rid of the feeling. Now I wasn't doing this in a revenge-lose-your-roll-kinda-way. I put my head together and I just understood that I had to show my stupid subconscience that I had it in me to overcome the demons.
I played like 50 hands, and got a lucky top set vs middle set +stack, which instantly turned my stressful mood into a cheerful, positive happiness. I played some more hands, just to show myself that - hey, these stupid animals don't bite! Afterwards, I'm still shocked to find the degree of control my emotions had over me. I mean I knew all the time it was bullshit, and I was supposed to go through a tough downswing at some point, and I'd just lost some of my recent winnnings and were hugely up nevertheless. I wouldn't even mind picturing the length of the step needed, to get past the money part of all this - so you can consider poker 100% a game.
I've started rebuilding my Empire. 5 stacks up and counting, slow but steady. Party tables have been uncharacteristically loose these last few days, probably because of march giveaway bonus (get points for pat hands) and everyone just trying to mass straights/flushes. Some ups and downs and a nice tilt here and there, but I think I'm fighting this thing :) Until next time -_-b
The next few days were pretty shitty, I felt horrible. I now understand people who lose a lot of money, go busto etc. I realized that the urge to play was bigger than ever, and here people with real gambling problems fall. The feeling is undescribable unease within yourself, uncomfort and I had some stress over losing money in a shitty game. I took a few days off and then I knew I had play a few hands and hope to win them, to get rid of the feeling. Now I wasn't doing this in a revenge-lose-your-roll-kinda-way. I put my head together and I just understood that I had to show my stupid subconscience that I had it in me to overcome the demons.
I played like 50 hands, and got a lucky top set vs middle set +stack, which instantly turned my stressful mood into a cheerful, positive happiness. I played some more hands, just to show myself that - hey, these stupid animals don't bite! Afterwards, I'm still shocked to find the degree of control my emotions had over me. I mean I knew all the time it was bullshit, and I was supposed to go through a tough downswing at some point, and I'd just lost some of my recent winnnings and were hugely up nevertheless. I wouldn't even mind picturing the length of the step needed, to get past the money part of all this - so you can consider poker 100% a game.
I've started rebuilding my Empire. 5 stacks up and counting, slow but steady. Party tables have been uncharacteristically loose these last few days, probably because of march giveaway bonus (get points for pat hands) and everyone just trying to mass straights/flushes. Some ups and downs and a nice tilt here and there, but I think I'm fighting this thing :) Until next time -_-b
posted by Durandal at 2:33 PM
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